But now, he see that Jay make the rules at Smart Tech, that I run this bitch, and now he 'bout to bounce!

I should've hired a 300-lb guy to lift the 60-inch flat screen, but instead I hired a hot girl who can't lift an i Pod to bring you out of your funk.

It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "Tackle the gazelle." And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "Tackle drunk bitches." : I hired a 90-lb girl to work in the stock room at Smart Tech for you, okay?

And, you know, instead of, like, saying, "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior?

Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think. I spent the last two years of my life regretting it.

" And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! " : I went out with this girl for four months and it was the greatest greatest thing in my life.

She wants to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody, that's...

You know, you lose weight and then you put back on weight, and then you, you know, you call them a bunch of times and you try and email, and then they move or they change their email, but that's just love.

Like, there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh, you know, I'm kinda gonna want to get back out there, but I think I like guys," and then there's the big, "Oh, I'm... I'm a gay guy now." : We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? : Oh man, Friday, I really wanted an egg salad sandwich and I was just obsessing about it and I was like, 'Man, I'm gonna make one of those.' So Saturday, I went out and got, like, a dozen eggs and then I boiled them all and I just, I spent, I dunno, probably three hours, like three and a half hours making, you know, the mayonnaise, and the onions and paprika and, you know, the necessary accoutrement.

I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay.

And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... And then, by the time I was done, I didn't really feel like like eating it.

Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows.